Low Expectations

Mama's Boy

My parents, Mama and Papa Fish, are here visiting till Friday. I haven’t seen them since December, so this is really cool. They’re going to work with me tomorrow and then I’m going to show them New Orleans on Thursday. I am very happy. I missed my parents.

Lesson to be Learned from this Post:  I’m a sissy

The Beginning of the End (Stole it from a LOST episode)

I am entering a 24-hour blitz to get the house that Matt and I have been building done. By the end of tomorrow, our work will officially be done. I feel like Jack Bauer racing against a bomb. The last week and a half of this process has been one of the most frustrating and educational experiences of my life. I have learned what to do (and not do) to a build a home and it isn’t as easy as they make it look on that Home Makeover show on ABC. I experienced a new level of responsibility in being trusted with the construction of someone’s home where they will raise their child. Derrick, the homeowner, and his father Tommy, were amazing teachers and they showed great trust in us. In the last 3 days of work, 4 people have come in to see the house and they all say “Tommy sent us over. He said you guys were doing a great job and we needed to see for ourselves.” This process has been one of the things that I will remember for the rest of my life and tell my grandchildren, if they’ll even listen. They probably won’t. Young whippersnappers have no respect for us old folks.

Lesson to be Learned from this post: Did you know that Spellcheck says that Bauer isn’t a word? Wait till Jack hears about this. 

The Deal

juliaheffernan:

What’s the deal with boys?  This is the girliest question I have ever asked.  But, seriously, I need to know.

My best friend Julia asked this question recently in her blog. I would like to field the question, if I may.

The Deal with Boys

 We boys are a complicated breed. But I can break down our decision making influences fairly easily by age.

0-5 Whatever our Mother says is Law

5-10 Whatever our Father says is Law

10-13 Whatever Stone Cold Steve Austin says is Law.

13-21 Whatever our…how to put it… reproductive organ says is Law

21-23 Whatever our Spouse says is Law

23-30 Whatever we want to say is Law, damn it. What if I don’t want to spend my Saturday at Pottery Barn? I have rights too!

30-65 Whatever our Spouse says is Law 

65-80 All decisions are made based on current state of bladder control

80-Death I make my own Laws, damn it. I don’t need people! At one point, I made my own people! And I could make more too if I wanted to! But I can’t seem to do it anymore! Plus, my wife has some fairly good suggestions every once in a while.

So what I suggest to Julia, is find out the age of the boy which confuses you and act according to this helpful chart.  

Lock Down in Gen Pop

New volunteers just came in today. This is the third group of volunteers to describe the living conditions here like prison. They all come in and see the bunk beds and say something like, “I feel like we’re in prison”, or “So this is what prison looks like.” At this point in their tour, I take off my shirt, paint on tattoos and start lifting weights in the middle of the floors. Then I shank my teammate Dan for snitching. Because yeah, besides the hot showers, great food, nice staff, and clean living areas, this place is exactly like prison.

 Lesson to be learned from this post: Don’t be snitching if you don’t want to get shanked. My mom taught me that

Filler

I haven’t written anything in a while, but plenty has happened. Work on the house is going well; we’ve finished the outside and are working on drywalling and mudding. We finally have volunteers under the age of 60, but turns out, young people snore also. We had one of the biggest storms that I’ve seen in a while last night. It was like a bowling alley right over my bed, but louder. There was a tornado warning issued and winds were expected to reach 70 mph, but i doubt they ever got that high. Dan (one of my teammates) had his parents come visit and they took everyone out to dinner. They were very nice and remembered where we all were from and what schools we went to. My parents are coming at the end of March, so the bar has been set. (Since Mom and Dad are probably the only ones reading this, might I suggest a fireworks display and a parade of animals. That would definitely one-up Dan’s parents) So that’s the update. I’ll try and find more interesting things to write next time.

Lesson to be learned from this post:  Snoring is not specific to age. It pisses off people from all generations.

Hurrah

A few days ago, a little girl saw my teammate Matt and I get into our pickup, wearing our Americorps uniforms, and right before I got in she said, “Bye soldiers”. As a rule, I think if a child mistakes you for a soldier, that should buy you a week of salutes and being able to say “Hurrah” like the Marines.

 Lesson to be learned from this post: I should not be allowed to make rules. Of any kind.

Hmmm....

My Dad wrote me this email.

Geoff,
Did you see the news today? Yao Ming out for the season with a stress 
fracture in his foot - effectively ending any hope the Rockets have of 
hanging onto the last playoff spot in the West. He says the pain started 
when he was overworked by some smart-alec Americorps volunteer while laying 
sod in New Orleans.
Just thought you should know.
Dad

I’m 98% sure this isn’t true

Lesson to be learned from this post: NBA players aren’t superhuman. And my father is a liar

Don't worry...I'm a professional

Today I recieved my Red Cross licenses for Mass Care, Shelter Operations, and Translating Compassion. That’s right. I am now officially capable of showing compassion for others. Bad news is that it expires in a year. So don’t come near me a year from now.

Lesson to be learned from this post: If, in the future, robots wish to feel human emotions, they will only need to attend a 2 hour long seminar given by the Red Cross 

New house

My teammate Matt and I have been working on a person’s house for the last week. It is a new project for Camp Coast Care. We get to go to the same house everyday (except for one day when it was raining) and we get to see this thing through from beginning to the end. The homeowner, a very nice new father, has been trying to rebuild the home himself, but it’s just him and it has gotten to the point where he needs some help. He has repaired the roof himself and now Camp Coast Care is helping him rebuild the rest. He will be kicked out of his FEMA trailer on March 15th, which means that work has to be done fast. Our construction suerpvisor Doug, Matt, and myself work with other volunteers and we have so far reframed a whole wall, 2 windows, removed the old black nail board and put up new OSB, wrapped the whole house in Tyvek, installed 2 vents, and begun putting up siding. It is beginning to really take shape and I am confident that it will be done by March 15th. I have put a picture of the house on the 1st day above, and when it is finished I will post a picture of that.

Lesson to be learned from this post: I got nothing for you this time. Take what you will from this 

Old People Snore

If you are old, or “aged like a fine wine”, you can take comfort in the fact that no matter what state in America you grow old in, you will always snore like a friggin’ train that runs right outside the window. In the past 2 weeks at Camp Coast Care, I have shared a sleeping area with old people from South Carolina, Connecticut, Montana, Missouri, and Florida. And I have heard their congested symphony fill the night air ever single time. The volunteers are always old because they have the free time to come down and volunteer, which is great, but I wish they would leave their distorted nasal passages at home.

Lesson to be learned from this post:  Never rent out the spare room in your house to an old person. And if I have to explain why, then you obviously didn’t read this post